Oh, Dear! A Fairy Tale!

This is the story of two girls who were cousins and close friends, three boys who were of no relation to each other, a big bad wolf who's merely misunderstood, an old lady who goes by the name of Granny and who may or may not be a witch, a bookkeeper who may or may not know more than he does or doesn't say, a quantum physicist with too much time on his hands, and an innocent platter of cookies. And this is the way of it...

Once upon a time there were two fair girls by the name of Nevaeh and Melody. Nevaeh and Melody were two lovely young ladies much loved by the town that they lived in. The town in particular was very small and of no consequence. It had a seemingly hard to pronounce name and was much beloved by tourists. Each day Nevaeh and Melody were travel across town to visit Granny. Granny was the name of the little old lady that often baked cookies for the girls and any of their friends who happened to be visiting.

This day was a particularily sunny day and the girls decided to walk instead of riding the carriage. So they set out on their rather safe journey across the town to Granny. On the way, the girls met three boys that they didn't know very well but had met on occasion, their names were Jean Bob, Bob Bob, and Xander. Very soon they got to talking and lost track of time. But the girls didn't care for they had fallen in love with two of the boys. And the boys didn't mind because they were equally smitten. Except for Xander for there were two girls and three boys and if you know anything of mathematics then you would know that three boys and two girls are certainly incompatible if all are to be happy. Therefore, Xander was left out and become very unhappy for it was Jean Bob and Nevaeh who fell in love, and Bob Bob and Melody who fell in love. Xander simply ignored the others.

Meanwhile, in the Enchanted woods on the outskirts of the small town, there resided a quantum physicist working on his project. He worked feverishly ever since that morning for he felt that he was close to a breakthrough. As he worked he giggled to himself now and then and other times could be heard murmuring to his devices. He was a curious fellow with huge horn-rimmed glasses and long, strangly, white hair. The town people went out of their way to avoid him for they felt that he might be some Enchanter. After all, he DID live in the Enchanted forest.

Time passed and Nevaeh nudged Melody and murmured that they should probably go. So the girls shyly told the boys good bye and went on their merry way. The boys, whistling and happy (except for Xander who was by now corrupted by his jealousy and hatred of the other two), decided to go to the bookstore on mainstreet. While they were there Jean Bob and Bob Bob struck up a conversation with the mysterious owner of the bookstore. Xander, however, passed his time by reading a book called Spells, Potions, Poisons, and Other Nefarious Fairy Tale Devices.

Meanwhile across town the two lovely ladies were approaching Granny's house. Immediately they noticed something was wrong. And it wasn't the fact that the cookies were sitting there. Alone. Without milk. Melody spoke up, "Do you think Granny often lies under her porch wearing ropes and a gag?"

Nevaeh stared at her friend.

She didn't reply though as they ran to the aid of their dear friend Granny. But right as they neared the porch and Granny's trussed up body, a wolf leaped from behind the bushes, and roared, "I'll have my vengeance!". Of course, the two young ladies were confused, for they had never done anything to any wolves that they should want revenge. However, they knew that this wolf was indeed a bad character and no matter what he imagined they had done, he would certainly want to eat them.

They screamed. The wolf screamed. The cookies did not. However, the screams were loud enough to wake Granny who set to work trying to sever the ropes.

At about this time the three young men were leaving the bookstore and heading back home. That was when they heard the screams. Immediately they ran to see what was wrong and if they could render assistance. The scene that met them was horrible. The wolf was chasing the girls around the yard, growling and snapping.

Without hesitation Jean Bob and Bob Bob leapt onto the back of the wolf to keep him from eating the girls. Xander, who was now full of malice, did nothing.

Jean Bob and Bob Bob's ride was shortlived though, for the wolf threw them off of his back and in one horrid, fell swoop gobbled up the boys. The young ladies screamed and wept. The wolf then returned his attention on them. He spoke a few words and instantly the girls were transformed into little, cute bunny rabbits. The wolf then leaped upon them and gobbled them up.

The wolf looked at Xander. Xander looked at the wolf. The wolf smiled and turned away. That was when he noticed Granny who was by now free of her ropes. In one hand she held a broom and in the other she held a wand. The wolf gulped. Then Granny set to pounding him over the head so hard that the wolf passed out. While the wolf was on the ground unconconcious Granny went inside and retrieved a battle axe. She approached the wolf, hefted the axe, and chopped the wolfs head clean off. Then she reached into the wolf and pulled out two small, still-living bunny rabbits, and two, still-living, young men.

Xander, who had seen all that had transpired, was now practically livid with rage. So corrupted by his jealousy of those who had been his friends, he had been willing to see them die. Granny, who wasn't a witch but was a fairy godmother of sorts, noticed his behaviour. Without hesisation she waved her wand at him and transformed him into the animal that most fit his hate-filled, and malevolent personality. Instantly a ravenous wolf stood where Xander once was. As Granny heft her broom and prepared to do to Xander the Wolf what she had done to the other, Xander turned tail and ran away. "Oh well," he thought, "Live to fight another day."

As the wolf ran away, Granny turned the little bunnies back into the beautiful girls they once were. The boys, overjoyed and ecstatic to see the young ladies, hugged them tight and didn't let them go. Granny smiled.

Xander the Wolf, however, was running through the woods plotting his revenge. One way or the other those girls would pay. As would Granny. And Jean Bob and Bob Bob. The wolf growled and kept running. So blinding was his hate that he didn't pay any attention at all to where he was running.

Meanwhile, the quantum physicist had just perfected his machine. "Eureka," he cried, "I have found it!". As he turned the machine on, an evil, bloodthirsty wolf leapt into the clearing he started running towards the physicist, Unbeknownst to the wolf, the physicist had just invented a Worm Hole Stabilizer that would enable mankind to travel backwards into time. The wolf ran right into this worm hole and was immediately transported backwards in time to that morning. But the wolf didn't know. All he knew was that he was going to have revenge one way or the other. He was hungry, but now was no time for eating. Granny would be his first stop.

The End.

Legacy of Love: The Unhappy Tale Of Crystal Rose And Her Beloved

Once upon a time---what? No, you haven’t heard this story before. Yes, I’m quite sure, now quit bugging me!

Now, where was I? Ah, yes!

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess---I don’t care how familiar it sounds! It is original!

Anyway, back to the story, MY story! There was a beautiful princess named Crystal. Now, as most fairy tales go, Crystal was placed under a dreadful spell. She was to fall in love.

To fully understand the reasoning and intent you must go back to when the spell was first cast. The spell was placed upon her by the dreadful Witch of Svendor, her name too dreadful to speak; she is known simply by the Witch of Svendor. Svendor, of course, being the town she resides in. Quite possibly no one knew her name and simply made up the dreadfulness of the seemingly non-existent name. Either way, she was a dreadfully evil character as it seems witches are.

Well, as you know, Crystal is a princess. She is commonly called Princess Crystal. Most likely because she is, indeed, a princess, and her name is, in fact, Crystal. Well, Princess Crystal, being the only daughter of King Lupatin and Queen Meladhrama, was expected to marry and have children so that the lineage of the Rose family (for that was their name) could continue and that the Roses would always have the crown (even though it was a rather uncomfortable crown, as was the throne). As her eighteenth birthday approached, letters and their couriers were sent out throughout the land to other kingdoms. The letters were sent to all the eligible suitors.

On the week of Crystal’s eighteenth birthday there was to be a ball. A festive week of eating, dancing, and hopefully meeting someone she was willing to spend the rest of her life with. The first day of the ball came and excitement was rampant in the castle. It is a ball! There shall be food and men! And, of course the men were thinking, it is a ball. I shall have to wear tights. And they were instantly depressed, until they remembered the food anyway.

The evening started out wonderfully, Crystal was enjoying the merriment, and there was no lack of handsome princess or delicious food. When, all of a sudden, it got quite dark, and the doors were thrust open. In rushed the terrible Witch of Svendor. Lightning flashed and she cackled quite maliciously! The guests were in a panic. It was the Witch! At the ball! She could only want one thing; revenge. After all, it was Crystal’s parents that exiled the Witch to Svendor. She was plotting to overthrow them and take the crown (obviously she did not know how uncomfortable it was), and they were positively unhappy about this. So they exiled her. Ever since then, she had dedicated herself to ending the line of Roses.

After she had finished her maniacal cackling, she pointed at Crystal and spoke.
“The lineage ends with you!” She roared, and then she cackled. “For the one person you shall fall in love with shall never love you back!” More maniacal laughter.

One of the princes, Prince Ninkem of the family Poopp, looked puzzled. He was not quite bright. You know your intelligence is really lacking when your name becomes an insult. In his father’s kingdom, his name was synonymous with idiocy. So, if you’re ever traveling in the land ruled by the Poopp families, it is not a compliment when you are compared with the prince. Take, for example, one unfortunate man who once visited a tavern in that land. He accidentally upset the bartender with his obtuse attitude. They’re very sensitive when it comes to a lack of intelligence. You can imagine how they must feel about their prince. Anyway the bartender looked at him and said, “Well, you’re just a regular Ninkem Poopp aren’t you?” Of course the idiot in question thought it was a compliment and said something to the effect of, “Oh, I could only wish and aspire to be as half as great as he.” He was promptly run out of the town.

Anyway, when the Witch cackled and said, “The lineage ends with you! For the one person you shall fall in love with shall never love you back!” he looked quite puzzled and then said, “How do you know that?”

“Because I placed a spell on him, you fool” she shouted.

“Ah, I see.” Though it was obvious he didn’t.

And as suddenly as she had come, she left. Crystal’s parents crowded around her, consoling her, and reassuring her, telling her that it would be okay and the Witch couldn’t possibly cast a spell remotely like that. Even though she could and did and they knew it. Then they wasted no time placing her in the tower for her own good so that she would never fall in love. They loved her far too much for that. For, as you well know, to fall in love with someone who will never love you back is the worst curse in the world. Death seemed more preferable to that.

That’s where she waited now, in the tower, alone. But she quite understood that it was for her own good. If she were to fall in love with someone who would never love her back, she would go insane from the sheer frustration and pain.

The parents wasted no time in buying a dragon to guard her. For there would be no prince, no knight able to break in and steal her affections, and then mortally break her heart. Until one day, a knight tried just that, or something like it.

He sat on his white steed tall and proud, daring the world to look at him with anything less than worship and adoration. His white armor gleamed in the light of the sun, and everywhere he went men looked away or fell to the ground. All this worship had gone to his head until he was nothing but an ego in armor. Of course, he didn’t realize that the reason everyone would look away or fall to the ground was because the light of the sun was reflecting off of his armor and searing their eyes.

He rode quickly, but not too fast paced. After all, he wanted to give the impression that he was too important to be hurrying anywhere. Though, in reality, he wasn’t important enough to be needed anywhere.

He had heard of a princess in a tower, guarded by a ferocious beast, and that she was forbidden to love. Or something like that. He reached the land that the Rose family ruled, and found an inn to rest in. The next day he rode on to the city that the Rose family lived in, and the castle that Crystal was kept in.

At last, he was standing before the courtyard, mere yards away from the stairs that would lead to the tower that housed the beautiful princess. There was only one thing in his way: a dragon. The dragon was actually very old. It couldn’t even fly anymore. The only time he had fiery breath was when he ate something he shouldn’t have, and nowadays he wasn’t eating much of anything, so by the time the knight had arrived, the dragon was well and truly ready to keel over dead.

The knight leaped to the ground from his steed. He pulled his sword and approached the dragon. He shouted some sort of challenge at the beast which it couldn’t understand being half-deaf as well as half-dead. The dragon took this moment to conveniently drop dead. Of course the dragon’s death only served to strengthen the knight’s ego and arrogance. He sheathed his sword and made his way up the stairs.

He knocked on the door that was at the top of the stairs. Crystal, expecting it to be one or both of her parents or maybe her maid bringing her her food, opened the door. The knight looked at Crystal. Crystal looked at the knight. They fell in love. It truly was love at first sight, and oh, was it wonderful! The knight forgot all about himself and was enraptured by the beauty that was Crystal. They were both well and truly in love with one another. Crystal, quickly becoming horrified that she might fall in love and have her heart broken, wasted no time in telling him to leave. But he wouldn’t! He had rescued her and he loved her! Upon seeing he would not leave, she gave him a tremendous push. He toppled off of the balcony and plunged to his death.

But now it was too late. Crystal had fallen in love with the knight. The knight in question was dead and, fulfilling the prophecy, could no longer love Crystal. So she lived unhappily ever after. Really.

The End.